So I'm Poor - Bad Words, Bad Writing, Bad Spelling. Deal with it!

So I’m poor. I’m the kind of poor that when gas prices drop $0.04 I get out of the car and do the running man while fueling up. The real running man not this stupid shit going on right now. So besides being poor I am also nuts. I think that might be a product of being poor. I find when at some point if you have a not had an expendable income you find easy entertainment. Laugh at the small shit. Create your own entertainment. So when I was doing the running man at the gas pump I was too excited to avoid the oil slick and …. Well lets say I have now decided to now wait until gas drops another $0.10 cents before copiously dancing at the pump again. Just a FYI the saying mixes like blood and oil is now a thing. Also not a great way to impress the hot guy with a motorcycle who you don’t notice until he gets close enough to point out the fun fact about the blood and oil.

So I’m poor. I try and find cheap entertainment. I know most of you will think it is tacky but gossip is cheap and usually greatly entertaining. It is much like reality TV. You watch cops because it makes you feel better about your own life. I have been in some really shitty spots in the journey that is my life, however it has never been so bad that I am chasing my drug dealer down the road in hooker heels, no bra and a busted lip while my three year old kid holds my bong. I’m just saying it serves a purpose. I live in a small town. The kind of small town where if you sneeze the guy on the radio says God Bless You. Which is cool because clearly we are polite, but when you fart in church everyone is going to know before you get up to shake the preacher’s hand. Plus it seem there is a lot of Jesus in our town. We have a bunch of dairy’s and they work there. In some ways my hometown should have its own TV series. It would be a cross between, Maury, Jerry Springer, The 700 ...

So I’m poor. I equate time with money. I feel that if you put in the time you at the very least should get the money. Like lets say you work your fucking ass for the same company for 18 years at an hourly rate of $18 an hour. That rate should be good enough, it should make up for not getting vacation time, retirement, or many a case any benefits. I worked for the same company for 18 years. I had health insurance. I got two weeks vacation,  ....sorta. It translated into 10 days extra pay on what your lowest weekly average for the year. My boss was one of those guys who you would have to give a two month notice to have a day off to go to the doctor. Even when your time off request was written out by him, on the calendar, and you have a sworn statement signed by 25 witnesses and a unicorn. So I had requested Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday off. I had actually requested the time off months in advance. Like five months 18 days and 3 hours ago. You will get told the day b...

So I’m poor. I love my family. One reason I love them is they feed me. I am blessed with a big family. That is all, good day.

So I’m poor. I am lucky enough to have insurance. Well I do now. I have my first doctors appointment in like 18 months scheduled for later. Normal people don’t like going to the doc. If you are poor, you get a panic attack just thinking you have to go see one. I enjoy going into a doctors office already in full hyperventalation. It really cuts down on wait time. Are you alright Ms.? Just make your eyes go big and stare. If you have the look of panic that helps too. I can usually achive it by thinking about what happens if your car breaks down. They get you in much quicker. I had an appointment once and right before I cut my hand. I think I was trying to garden or something. Anyways I walk in and had this bloody hankerchif wraped around my hand, really cut my wait time. I would rather bleed out my eyes then admit then I am sick. First off every moment counts if you get paid by the hour. Taking time off, and going to the doctor is knowing you are hemmoraging from both ends. ...

So I’m poor.  Everyone says that, but really…  I am.  If someone wants to go grab dinner or catch a movie, the poor normally respond with, “I can’t I’m strapped for cash right now.”  Maybe you are a person who secretly prays they say, “don’t worry I got you.”  Or if you’re me you pray for that answer a LOT!  Dear sweet baby Jesus lord please help me find the money to make it one more week.  I feel the good Lord’s normal response is to flip me the bird, "Suffer Bitch!"  It is way too entertaining to watch you struggle! MUAHAHAHA.   Anyways back to being poor.  I just filed my taxes for the year.  I made less than $20,000.  I had three jobs and filed for $18,768.04 as my income for the year. Oh it hurts just typing it out.  You might be rolling on the ground laughing Do you know what you do for fun when your income is less than most people spend on their car?  Hangout in the cold cuddling with your dogs. ...

So I’m poor.  To try and help with the cost of living I have a roommate. My current roommate is an odd duck.  He is 43 and moved from Michigan to Nevada with one suitcase.  That’s it!  He has absolutely nothing.  Don’t worry I’m judging him too.  I try to think, “wow this guy has had a tough time too. It isn’t just me.”  But for fucks sakes he doesn’t even have a towel, no furniture, no nothin!  Although he does have one of those “white rapey van’s” - it’s vibe is so strong the ice cream truck refuses to drive through my block anymore.  But, I’m so desperate for money I need to rent a room to a person, that in all fairness could be a wanted criminal.  Background check?  With money? HA!!  Where is the adventure in that?  Instead my uncle, for my birthday, bought me a box of bullets for my .380. He said, “Hey, it’s cheaper than running a background check.”  Much appreciated! I’d rather not have a roommate.  ...